Two Cupcakes In One Week

Earlier this week, I was upset because I have gained a few pounds. Gained a few pounds despite working out somewhat regularly and trying to regulate what I eat. I hadn't weighed myself in months, thinking it would just happen. I don't want to be obsessive.

Trying to help me, Josh told me that I can't expect to lose weight when I eat the way I do. To this I became defensive. I've been monitoring my portions quite a bit-for about the last week or so. Before that, I wasn't doing anything. But, before THAT, I was trying to use the Weight Watchers Points system. And, before that, I was eating according to the Body for Life plan. And before that, I don't even remember because we are looking at more than a year ago!

As far as my exercise is concerned, I seem to like to change that up a bit too. Last summer (a year ago), I followed Body for Life religiously. I got into shape. I wasn't thin, but I was strong and healthy-people commented on how good I looked etc. Then, when I finished the 12 week program, it suggested I take a week off. I did. Then another, then another... I loosely stuck with the eating plan eventually, and I dabbled with the exercise program, but I never really went back to it-full force. School had started by this time, and I just didn't have the time or energy to devote myself to it. Then, I didn't exercise at all. Then, we joined a gym again, and I started to dabble, but I never really got into a groove.

A 12-week counseling session came with our gym membership, and I have been seeing Kay for almost that long. When she asked me what my goals were, I told her that I wanted to be healthy. I didn't want to have to obsess over what I eat or how I work out-I just want it to be natural. I want to be a good example for my kids. I don't really have a "goal weight" in mind or a time either. Although, there are days when I want to look like a supermodel TODAY, I am not really into putting in the effort that it requires. In my sessions with Kay, she basically asks me what my eating plan is, what my exercise plan is, and how well I followed it for the week. It seems that each week, I show up with a new plan. I follow it pretty well, but I never stick with the same one.

So, when Josh pointed out that eating two cupcakes in one week is a mortal sin and there is no way that I could lose weight that way, I started to think that I needed to reevaluate. (They are delicious cupcakes, but he pointed out that each one is probably more calories than I should have in a day.) Fine, I would start eating "right" and I would exercise ALL the time. If I just buckle down for a little while, I can get "skinny" and back down on all the exercise and strict eating and then eventually be "normal," which is all that I really want anyway.

During my reevaluation process, I was thinking about what eating "right" means. There is the low-carb approach, the low-cal approach, the Body-for-Life approach, the WW approach, the low-fat approach...... It made me think of an on-going conversation I had with one of my friends who is naturally thin. She was asking which food is better for her. (Like I'm the expert-she is the thin one!) The answer I gave depended on which approach I was following at the time--"don't ever eat bacon!" or "eat all the bacon you can fit into your mouth!"

Why does it have to be so complicated? Why CAN'T I just eat whatever I want? When I was just out of college-living all on my own for the first time, that is exactly what I did. I ate whatever I wanted to eat when I was hungry. (I was following a system developed by a Religious Whack-a-Do, but the eating concept behind it makes sense. Don't get me started on the religious aspect, though.) I lost weight naturally without even really thinking about it.

I've always thought that the concept would work-listen to your body. Shouldn't your BODY know when your BODY needs food? If my body is telling me to eat, shouldn't I eat? In all the photos of pilgrims (*wink), they weren't FAT. They didn't know about calories or fat grams. They were just natural. Look at my kids-they eat whatever they want whenever they get hungry. They aren't fat. I wasn't fat until I started to get older and worry about getting fat!

I just never went back to that way of eating (wait til you are hungry, then eat whatever you want but only eat a little of it) because the woman who introduced me to it was so crazy-religious, and since I have rejected this aspect of my life, I also rejected that way of eating.

I have, however, been looking for some guidance as to how to eat the "right" way, and there is a following called "Intuitive Eating," or "Thintuition" and it is basically the same thing without all the praying and shit. So, this is the beginning of my journey. I CAN eat two cupcakes in one week and I CAN lose weight doing it. I'm currently reading up on the topic. I'll let you know what I find out.