Sunday, November 05, 2006

I Lost my Personality

Yesterday afternoon, I was reading a local blog by Kat Coble, and she had invited her blogger friends (only the girls!) over to her house to play Bunco. I just happened to be home early from work and was reading the blog near Josh. I said something about how it would be fun to go because I never do anything social, don't have any friends, and like to play board games. Then I said, "Too bad I'm too afraid to go."
Josh told me I should go. I told him that there was no way I could go because I was too much of a pussy, especially if I had to go by myself. This banter went back and forth until he reminded me that by saying I was scared I wasn't being myself because it really wasn't in my personality to be scared of something like that and that I should go.
So I wrote Kat an email asking if she didn't think it was too creepy, (you know-a total stranger in your house when you are meeting with a few friends-it is kind of creepy)I would like to go. She said I could, and off I went.
On the way there, I started thinking about how weird it was that my reaction was to be scared. I've done a lot of things in my life, many of them by myself, and it had never phased me to be scared or intimidated.
  • I went to Australia for a year, knowing no one.
  • I moved here to Nashville, knowing no one.
Okay. I can only think of 2, but they are big ones, both of which never even phased me to be intimidated. In fact, when asked how I could do that without knowing anyone, I was confused as to why it would be an issue.
When did my personality change? What happened? Once I thought about not really being a pussy, I stopped feeling intimidated and nervous and started really looking forward to meeting people.
Let's see-when is the last time I did anything remotely social? My family (Josh, me and the kids) walked to a nearby restaurant and met my college roommate (from Indiana) and her husband for dinner. They were passing through Franklin on their way to a wedding in Florida. The event lasted about an hour. I hadn't seen my roommate for about 3 years and haven't talked to her since. This was about 4 months ago.
Time before that? I went out with my wonderful friend Amanda from Texas who came up to visit when her brother graduated from MTSU. We went to Jonathan's Grill for lunch. This was before I was even pregnant with Keira, who is now 13 months old. How sad.
I've long known that I have lost my identity, blaming it on working all the time or spending all the time with my family. Josh encourages me all of the time to get out and do things, but for some reason, perhaps the same reason that I never buy stuff for myself, I never do anything. Somewhere along the way I forgot that I really like going out and meeting new people and establishing friendships. I lost a part of my personality. It took Josh and Kat Coble to remind me that it was there. Thank you.

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