Guilt

I've been feeling guilty lately about going to work. I know that part if my guilt stems from my desire not to be at work (convenience guilt?), but Night has been more and more adamant about my staying home, so that makes going to work even more difficult.Before we had children, I told Josh that I didn't want to stay home with the kids. I guess my reasoning stemmed from the fact that my mom stayed home, and I honestly felt that she could've done more with her life. (that sounds bad-there I go feeling guilty again-guilty for talking bad about my mom...) I now realize that my mom could have done more with her life-but it didn't really have anything to do with being a stay at home mom.

After my brief (but oh so long) bout as a day care teacher, we both decided that there was NO WAY that our children would be staying in daycare. I always felt so bad for the kids who got shuffled from one parent, to the teacher, and then to the other parent, never really getting to bond with any of them; not to mention all the GERMS.

Having more than one day off a week (Christmas, New Years) has made Night realize that it is good when I'm home, so then he asks me just about every day: "What are you doing tomorrow?" Since it is usually either, "Going to work with Dr. or Going to work at the restaurant (which he compares to The Krusty Krab)" he then says, "No! Why do you have to go to work?" Although a very touching sentiment, it is also heart-wrenching. I want to stay home with my babies. I don't want to miss out on fun activities with the kids. I want my house to be organized and clean. I want to plan learning experiences for Night and Keira. On the flip side, I enjoy working (well-usually...). I shouldn't feel guilty. Without my working so much, we couldn't pay bills and have nice things. I need to work. It is a part of life. Could I even handle being a stay at home mom? I'm not sure. I took Keira to Barnes and Noble last night and I felt like a horrible mom-I was the one that everyone stares at and gets all annoyed with because the kid is either screaming or getting into everything. Maybe I COULDN'T handle being the one at home.

See here? Now I feel guilty for maybe not being woman enough to stay home with the kids? What is it about guilt, and how do I get away from it?!