I Have a Famous Stalker!

When I was about 10 years old, my parents took my sister and I on "vacation" to Florida. We stayed in a really fancy hotel, only because my parents were having a convention there. There were about 3 pools and a shopping mall, all in the basement of this fancy hotel.

One of the speakers at the convention was Terry Bradshaw. I remember that he was a speaker because I rode downstairs in the elevator with him and his entourage. I think he patted me on my head, but I may be getting him confused with another celebrity that I rode with in an elevator in my formative years-Robert Young. I was on my way to the pool of course, and he was on his way to a meeting.

Now, 21 years later, who should walk into my restaurant today? Yep. Terry Bradshaw.

Too Sexy for my Skirt

I went to TARGET yesterday and found some fantastic clearance deals. I bought a cute little mini-skirt for $2.98!

I laid it on the counter after I got home, and Josh saw it. I asked if he liked it, and he said that he was having dirty thoughts. Intrigued, I went to try it on.

It was about 2 sizes too small! As I tried to wrestle it over my hips, I called Keira in and told her to push my butt into my skirt for me. We both tugged and pulled and pushed! I looked up at Josh and asked if I looked as hot as he had imagined.

He didn't answer...

I guess that is better than the answer he could've given!!

I did get the skirt on-all the way even, but I think I may wait a few months before I wear it out of the house! For now, I will just hang it outside of the closet where I can see it every morning, providing inspiration to get myself out of bed to workout!

Another Nose Story

I don't know why I like to talk about noses, but here I go again...

A few weeks ago, my friend at work told me an interesting (and gross) nose story that I would love to share with ya'll. About 20 years ago when my friend's daughter was just 2 or 3 years old, she started having a distinctive, disgusting smell radiate from her. My friend bathed her and scrubbed her, trying to get rid of the odor. She kept changing clothes and soaps to no avail. Then she thought that maybe it was just all in her head. She was a single mom, so she didn't have anyone else to smell her daughter for her; she just figured it was nothing.

Until the babysitter mentioned the smell! Uh oh. It wasn't all in her head, but she still didn't know what it was. Then, one day, my friend saw her daughter sticking a pencil up her nose. It turns out that there was a little toy in front of the pencil, and the daughter was using the pencil to RAM the toy further up into her sinus cavity!

There were all kinds of things up this child's nose! The smell was most likely coming from the food that had more than likely been up there for months! She took the baby to the doctor, where he had to take a rod and pull everything out of the kid's nose! My friend said it seemed like hours that she had to hold her, screaming, having the doctor pull little toy soldiers and peas out of her nose.

The smell was gone, though!

Now, imagine my horror when yesterday morning, I saw Keira sticking a little tiny Lego up her nose!! It was the kind that just has one little dot-I'm talking tiny! It was so far up in her nose that I couldn't see it. I took my tweezers and grasped at everything (which seemed to be nothing) up her nose as my daughter wriggled on the floor. I finally saw the little red bit of plastic, but I couldn't get it out. I pushed on the outside and pulled on the inside, the whole time imagining a trip to the hospital. By this time, I was sitting on her body and holding down her head with one hand and picking her nose with the other, all through screams of terror. I'm not sure if those were my screams or Keira's.

I did finally get it out. Keira told me she would never do that again because it hurt, but she then politely asked me to clean it off. She still wanted to play with the Lego.

Is the Sun Up Yet?

Keira has decided that she doesn't like sleeping anymore. It works out perfectly since I've been meaning to stop being so lazy. I mean, really, who needs to spend 6 hours at night in bed? I can be doing so many other productive things during this time--watching infomercials for example. Or cartoons. Thank you for saving me, Keira.

Happy Mattress Sale Day

This morning, Night was in the living room watching TV, and I was (of course) playing on-line poker in the den. Excitedly, Night came running into the den this morning. "Mom! It is 4th of July!"

"I know! Happy Fourth of July!"

"But, it is like a double Fourth of July!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Serta is having a mattress sale FOR THE FOURTH OF JULY! Isn't that exciting?"

"Um, yep. Honey, you don't even need a mattress." (He sleeps on the couch because we only have 2 bedrooms, and he wakes up his sister if he sleeps in his room, so we took away the bed.)

"I KNOW! But, I could get one if I wanted-it is on SALE. TODAY!"

"You are right. Super exciting."




I didn't see the commercial, but whoever wrote it must've done a great job-marketing to kids. That's an angle I would've never came up with on my own. Maybe that's why I'm not in advertising...

Too Much Mortal Kombat?*

This morning, Night told me that when he pees, he puts his knuckle-fists up behind his back just in case someone comes in to attack him. Always be prepared.






*No, my five year old does NOT play Mortal Kombat. I was just trying to be humorous. I actually think he got his neurosis from his father, who always checks the doors about five times to make sure they are locked.

5 Ingredients or Less

Shannon is sponsoring a themed Works for Me Wednesday this week-5 ingredients or less.

I have a yummy, healthy pancake recipe-full of protein and low in fat. They are made of ingredients that you wouldn't expect to be good together, but they are DELICIOUS. We eat them every week. Actually, we eat them pretty much everyday. I mix up the batter and store it in the fridge.

I LOVE this recipe!

12 egg whites
2 cups cottage cheese
2 cups oatmeal (dry cooking oats-regular kind, not instant)
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp (or a little more!) of cinnamon

(I also recommend some splenda-but I don't want to go over the 5 limit. Consider it part of the recipe, though, really.)
This makes a double batch, so you might want to half everything when you make it the first time. You'll probably double it every time after that-if you eat them as much as we do!)

Just pop all the ingredients in the blender until they are batter consistency. I spray the pan (or griddle) and cook on medium. You can eat them plain with butter and syrup (we use "spray butter" and sugar free syrup) or add some blueberries or strawberries when they are on the griddle. You can also put sugar-free jelly on them. Yummy!

Check out other simple recipes at ROCKS IN MY DRYER!

Making Pancakes!

Time to Move On??

It is with reservation that I post this RANT because the last time I went off in a huff, it caused some ruckus; however, this is my blog and I'll cry if I want to...

I know that times are getting tighter here in the USA, so I understand why I am not making as much money at work as I have previously. People are not going out to eat as often because there are more important things on which to spend their money. I get that. What I DON'T get it why, when people do go out to eat, they think that it is acceptable to leave shitty tips.

I used to love waiting tables. It is easy work, I get paid cash daily, the environment is fun and laid back, there isn't baggage to bring home, I get to talk to a lot of people if I want to-I don't have to talk to a lot of people if I don't want to. Even though some people may look down on serving as a lowly career, it can be a lot of work to coordinate all the tables in a timely manner; a job that I am very good at doing. I would also say that I'm quite personable, so waitressing has been a nice job for me thus far.

Now, on for the rant...
I have been getting really crappy tips lately. I would say on average, my tips used to be an average of about 20% of my sales, sometimes 18%, sometimes 22%. From that income, I have to tip out to my helpers-hostess, busser, bartender (even if I don't have any liquor sales) etc. about 2% of my sales (no matter what the actual income is from tips, I pay out 2% of the sales). Tips in the last couple of months have gone down SIGNIFICANTLY, and I really don't think that my service has been lacking.

I just think that people are holding a tighter reign on their money. The problem with this is that since fewer people are coming into the restaurants AND the ones that do come in are leaving less money, I get hit with a double whammy that is really hurting my family.

For instance, yesterday, I had a table with three women. Those three women sat at my table for over 3 hours during the lunch rush. The bill was about $9.00 for one of them; $10.00 for another; and exactly $15.54 for the other one. How do I remember exactly? Because the third woman left me a total of $17.00 (the other two's tip equaled about $4 combined). The third woman left me $1.46 for THREE HOURS of service, less than ten percent. Of that tip, $0.16 went to the hostess. How in the world could that be acceptable? If they would have sat for a reasonable hour, I would've been less upset, but THREE HOURS DURING THE RUSH? They were sitting at an 8-top table, so it could've been $20 or more that I miss out on--in order to get her $1.30.

I had someone today completely stiff me, so that it actually COST me money to wait on him because I had to tip out even though I had no tip. This gentlemen was angry at me, though, so I guess it is justified.... Oh wait, he was angry at me because he didn't read the menu, so maybe it isn't justified. Let me tell you my side of the story...

The couple was sitting at the table, with their menus pushed to the side when I got to the table (maybe a minute after they sat down-I saw them sit, and I went straight to the kitchen and got them water). Thinking they must be "regulars" and already know what they want, I asked them what I could get them. They both wanted eggs benedict with no english muffin. Alright! I put in there order, and someone else took them their food. I passed by them a couple of times while they were eating, and they seemed content. When I stopped to see if they needed anything, the man asked me, "Isn't there something else I can get instead of the breakfast potatoes?" I told him that there was, but that there was an upcharge. I listed some things; he asked the price; I told him I didn't know exactly (the prices are already in the computer, so I don't know exact, but I gave an estimate), but then I pointed out that he already has the potatoes. Now, I don't think I said this in a rude manner, but he did already have the potatoes, so it wouldn't really be instead of the potatoes anyway, would it? The man then proceeded to YELL at me because I should've read his mind when he ordered. This is what he said, "Well, since I ordered no bread, you should've obviously have assumed that I am on a diet, so you shouldn't have brought me the potatoes!" (Oh, really, I wrongly assumed that since you didn't want the english muffin with your eggs benedict, you just didn't want an english muffin with your eggs benedict...) I apologized and offered to bring him something, and he said no. The wife (who is obviously also on the diet) then asked me to bring her more HALF and HALF for her coffee. (what diet lets you have HOLLANDAISE SAUCE?)

This would've been easily solved if the man would've read the menu, where it states that the breakfast comes with the potatoes and that if he wants something else, he could get it if he pays more. OR if when the server brought him his food, he said, "Oh, I don't want those potatoes, is there something else that I can get for them?" The server would have changed them out, and I could've just charged him the difference. OR one of the times I walked by before he had devoured all of his food, he could have asked me and I would have probably still swapped his potatoes for something else. OR if I would have just read his mind to begin with. Of course, if I were the mind-reader type, I probably would have noticed that he wasn't going to tip me, and I wouldn't have brought him any food to begin with...

Anyway, this has turned into a longer post than expected. I guess he made me a little angry. So, as I was saying, the tips are getting slim for me and for all of my little server friends. I don't blame people for watching their money more closely, but if they can't afford the tip, then they shouldn't go out to eat. I can't afford to keep paying my hostess and bartender when I'm not getting paid.

Thanks for listening. I feel better.

Oh, and if, the next time you go out to eat, you can afford to leave your server an extra dollar, do it. You would be surprised how much difference that dollar makes.

Wish Me Luck

The library books are due today. Here we go again!

I am taking my purse this time-with a diaper in it. Night has already locked himself in the bathroom once today (at Charlie's vet), so hopefully we won't have anymore bathroom incidences...

Mario Kart

I just want to let ya'll know that even though I am horrible at my new Mario Kart for the Wii, it does not mean I am a bad driver.

It just takes practice with the little wheel thing.

And, I can still *usually* beat Night when we are playing, so I can't be that bad at it, right?!

To the Woman at the Gas Station

Dear Woman in the van at the gas station,

What is the purpose of your "Jesus First" license plate?

Is it to let me know that you are putting Jesus first? Is it to show me that you are following his principles and making this world a better place because of it? If so, I really don't think that Jesus appreciated your cutting off this heathen. That definitely is following the golden rule. Cutting me off from the pump when I was obviously there first DID NOT make my world a better place. It pissed me off.

OR

Is it to remind yourself that you need to put Jesus first? If so, you really need to put it somewhere INSIDE your van so you can see it.



Irritated,

Mari

Happy Mother's Day to Me!

Look what I got!!


Last year, my family got me the Nintendo Wii. This year, I got the Mario Kart to go with it.

I think my husband has turned me into a nerd.

Our Trip to the Library

Otherwise known as "WHY OUR FAMILY SHOULD NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE PART TWO"

We live about a block from the library. Since it has been so beautiful out lately, I decided to take the kids to the library. The plan was for me to find my ONE book then go downstairs to the children's area where we could play with puzzles.

Here is how the plan played out. While I was looking for my book, the kids were at the end of my aisle looking out the window. They were standing about 2o feet from me. Loudly (or at least it seemed loud-we were in the LIBRARY), Night said, "I think Keira is pooping."

(I should have prefaced this by saying that Keira, who is potty training, was wearing underwear.)

I absently said, "Okay," without thinking about it. I then looked over to them, and sure enough, Keira was holding her butt...

I ran over and scooped her up. She yelled, "I'm not pooping! I'm not pooping!"
"It's okay, honey, we'll just check, okay?"
"NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not pooping. I'm not pooping!"
(I whisper, "Sorry" to the lady studying at the table and the man looking for his books.)
Night piped in, "She is pooping. She is pooping," in his loud 5 year old voice.
"NO! NO POOPING"
"You aren't? Okay. Well, let's go to the bathroom anyway."
Of course, being the veteran mother than I am, I DID NOT bring a backup pair of pants or panties or diaper or anything. She usually does so well when we aren't at home. It is when we are at home that she's been having the problems.

Once we FINALLY got into the bathroom, I checked her butt,and sure enough, she had pooped. Great. I plopped her onto the toiled while I tried to clean her up to the best of my ability. The whole time she is sitting, I told her to try to poop more while sitting on the toilet. "I can't. I'm done." So, I cleaned her up, and we returned to the same aisle (much to my chagrin) so I could find my book.

TWO minutes later, Night yelled, "Keira is pooping!"

Whatever. I just let her poop. Her underwear was already dirty... Where is my damn book?

THREE minutes later, Night yelled, "I have to poop."

Great. Oh! There is my book!! At least I had something to read this time. Off we all went to the bathroom, for the second time within four minutes, talking about poop the whole way.

And, of course, we couldn't skip the puzzle play time all because Keira had poop in her pants. That would be crazy. We played for ten minutes then rushed home to clean her up.


Do you ever feel like a redneck or white trash? If you are white trashy, you know it, don't you? I'm beginning to suspect that I am...

I feel like my family shouldn't be allowed to leave the house...

Last weekend, we went out to a local Vietnamese restaurant. It is a small restaurant, with maybe 12 tables. There were maybe 4 other families eating when we walked in.

As we walked in, my son, VERY LOUDLY, said(as everyone turns to look at him), "Are these CHINESE people??" A very nice young server came up and told him he was Vietnamese and didn't seem too worried about it, but my face was RED. The server then tried to serve my children nothing but beer all night. He was joking, of course, but Night was worried he wasn't going to get any noodles.

After having a yelling match with Keira (in the bathroom hallway-not in the dining room though I'm sure everyone heard us and was ready for my disruptive family to get the hell out of there), we all walked across the parking lot to TARGET. We found a very good deal on THE SIMPSONS GAME for the PS2 on clearance, but I wish we wouldn't have bought it. It is the only thing on tv now!

When it was time to leave, Keira threw another fit. (terrible twos? Can we say horrendous, abominable twos??) Josh and Night took Keira out to the car while I finished. She screamed the entire way. I think I heard people talking about that horrible noise, but maybe I was just being paranoid.

Keira continued to scream for the next ten minutes. She screamed until we pulled into the Steak n Shake parking lot, and I asked Night what kind of shake he wanted. "Strawberry." THEN Keira stops screaming and politely says, "I want a strawberry too please."

"NO way, Keira Bryce. You do not get an ice cream because you were screaming this whole way. You need to be polite if you want to get treats like ice cream." I knew it was going to be difficult, but she didn't deserve ice cream, right?

Then I looked over at Josh. He is sheepishly looking at me with sad eyes. I said, "She doesn't deserve ice cream." He said, "No. She doesn't. But when I told her we were going out to eat, I told her we could have ice cream afterwards."

Great. Now, do I be a liar (even though it wasn't ME lying, we are a united front, so to speak) and not give her the ice cream? Or do I be a hypocrite and give her the ice cream even though she definitely didn't deserve it? Well, Josh and I both had a long talk with her about behaving and not SCREAMING whenever she doesn't get her way. We then got her the strawberry shake.

Why doesn't parenting come with some sort of guidelines or something? I probably wouldn't follow them, but I would at least feel like I knew what was going on! Next time, Josh has agreed to let me know that he has bribed the child...

I kind of feel like a bad parent, but she won't be the worst kid in her class...

It was so much easier raising a child before the child came into the picture!

Spanish

When I first log-in to blogger, it is in Spanish. If I click on random people's profile pages, it is in Spanish.

Have I somehow done this? Or is Blogger going through a Spanish phase?

How do I fix this? I speak UN-POKITO Spanish...

Tricky

Know what is tricky? Trying to potty train a puppy and a kid at the same time. I never know who to yell at when I find pee on the floor...or on the couch. (You might not want to come visit us for a little while...)
Dash was supposedly potty-trained when he came to us, but I beg to differ!
Keira wasn't potty-trained when she came to us, but that is to be expected!

Kool-Aid Fun

For the first time in....a year(?), I've finally thought of a Works For Me Wednesday tip!! (and I'm home in time to post it!)

In an effort to be healthier and spend less money, we haven't been going out to eat as often as we used to, but when we do go out to eat, I take along Kool-Aid single packets. Sometimes kids' meals don't include a drink, so I just order them water and then pop out the singles. I don't let the kids have them any other time, so it is a special treat for them, and I don't have to pay an extra $2-5 bucks for the drinks (hey that can go toward the tip--take care of your servers-we have families too!). Sure, just plain water would be even more affordable, but lets be realistic-the kids have more fun with kool-aid! (Who doesn't, really?)

They have plenty of flavors (I usually have two kinds to chose from in my purse), in both sugar- free and full-hyper flavors. Try it! You'll like it!

I'm a Sucker

for a cute dog.

You may remember that we got Charlie from freecyle.org about a year ago when someone listed that the owner had died. Anyway, there are a lot of offers for dogs on freecycle. I usually read them, and Josh says, "YES! YES!" and I say, "Yeah right. As if we don't have enough going on in our little house."

Well, yesterday there was an offer for an AUSSIE MIX PUPPY. I don't know what that means, but I do know that I like dogs, and I like Aussie... So, the story started out the same but ended differently!!

Meet Dash. (probably Dash, what do you think of MAX?)

Apparently Aussie Mix means um... mutt. He looks nothing like an Australian Shepherd, does he? You can't really see his body type, but I really think he looks like a long haired daschund. I was kind of expecting a herder type dog, but this little guy won't be herding anything! Anyway, he is adorable, and we all love him. Well, Scully (lead dog in our house) is getting used to him. She is mildly amused by him...as long as he stays away from her food.

Speaking of Scully, she helped us clean out the fridge today.


What a great little helper!!

Night Turns Five!

Night turned 5 this past Wednesday. Of all the possible things he could do to celebrate, he decided he wanted to go to IHOP. Alrighty!!

As is tradition in my lil family, we woke Night up* by singing Happy Birthday to him with a candle-lit muffin. Since the muffins usually end up half-eaten (I guess the presents are a bit of a distraction), I decided to be conservative and buy MINI-muffins-one for each of us. That'd be perfect, right-we were going out for breakfast after all...


But Josh then informed me that mini muffins don't have enough surface area to allow for safety. The candle melted all over Josh's hand when Night blew it out!!
Oops.



This was the one thing he wished for... (thanks to his nerdy Dad, Night is a huge Star Wars geek)

Keira gets one present (Night got about 5) because presents are fun for everyone!

After opening up presents, it was off to IHOP, where they were celebrating HORTON HEARS A WHO.



Beezlenut juice (sprite with jello chunks-surprisingly gross...) and Who cakes with green eggs and ham!

Then we went to the park for cake. Cakes, actually. You can never have too much sugar on your birthday.


We had a great day, it is hard to believe he is five already!!







*Yes, Night sleeps on the couch. We only have two bedrooms, and the kids kept waking each other up when they shared a room, so now he has his own room...